Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box: A Webnovel

LATEST UPDATE

2009-05-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

OFFICIAL LAUNCH: ONE DAY EARLY, CHAPTER 1 IS UP!

Welcome to Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box, a web serial about school, life, dreams, fears, and a hell load of doughnuts. If this is your first time, please click the link saying "First" to read the first chapter. For those of you that are checking for updates, click "Latest" to see whether there's anything new, or leave an angry message demanding the author updates- because she's a lazy ass.

Or if you want, look at our (not so) private files, or read the rooming arrangements. Whatever. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story of our lives!

- Gina Chen and Hiromi Takahashi,
Springfield International, class of 2009

----------------------

29/5/09: And she shoots... AND SHE SCORES! Well not really. Whatever. But still.

CHAPTER 1 IS UP!!! -dances-

21/5/09: Work has officially commenced on Chapter 1! A sneak preview is available on deviantArt, so if you know where to search you'll be able to read the first part. Keep in mind, though, that it's only Part 1 of Chapter 1, so it'll be short!

28/4/09: Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box is now UP. And running. BRING OUT THE CANDY!

Anyway, I've been asked by the author to be the webmistress for the site. Maybe because I'm brilliant like that but I think that I'll be the one talking to you guys most of the time, when the font is ORANGE. My name's Gina, and I am awesome. Don't worry, I don't bite. Hard. :]

The class list from 2007 is up, along with the news feed. Muahahaha! Now you will get to hear me talk my butt off.

- Gina Chen (I wanted to sign off as GC, but a certain twin of mine has those initials as well. Oh well. I HAVE TO TYPE MORE FOR HIS SAKE. DAMN HIM)

LATEST UPDATE

2009-05-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

OFFICIAL LAUNCH: MAY 30TH 2009

Welcome to Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box, a web serial about school, life, dreams, fears, and a hell load of doughnuts. If this is your first time, please click the link saying "First" to read the first chapter. For those of you that are checking for updates, click "Latest" to see whether there's anything new, or leave an angry message demanding the author updates- because she's a lazy ass.

Or if you want, look at our (not so) private files, or read the rooming arrangements. Whatever. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story of our lives!

- Gina Chen and Hiromi Takahashi,
Springfield International, class of 2009

----------------------

21/5/09: Work has officially commenced on Chapter 1! A sneak preview is available on deviantArt, so if you know where to search you'll be able to read the first part. Keep in mind, though, that it's only Part 1 of Chapter 1, so it'll be short!

28/4/09: Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box is now UP. And running. BRING OUT THE CANDY!

Anyway, I've been asked by the author to be the webmistress for the site. Maybe because I'm brilliant like that but I think that I'll be the one talking to you guys most of the time, when the font is ORANGE. My name's Gina, and I am awesome. Don't worry, I don't bite. Hard. :]

The class list from 2007 is up, along with the news feed. Muahahaha! Now you will get to hear me talk my butt off.

- Gina Chen (I wanted to sign off as GC, but a certain twin of mine has those initials as well. Oh well. I HAVE TO TYPE MORE FOR HIS SAKE. DAMN HIM)

LATEST UPDATE

2009-05-01T23:00:00.001-07:00

28/4/09: Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box is now UP. And running. BRING OUT THE CANDY!

Anyway, I've been asked by the author to be the webmistress for the site. Maybe because I'm brilliant like that but I think that I'll be the one talking to you guys most of the time, when the font is ORANGE. My name's Gina, and I am awesome. Don't worry, I don't bite. Hard. :]

The class list from 2007 is up, along with the news feed. Muahahaha! Now you will get to hear me talk my butt off.

- Gina Chen (I wanted to sign off as GC, but a certain twin of mine has those initials as well. Oh well. I HAVE TO TYPE MORE FOR HIS SAKE. DAMN HIM)

LATEST UPDATE

2009-04-28T07:03:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Angel-Hair Pasta in a Heart-Shaped Box, a web serial about school, life, dreams, fears, and a hell load of doughnuts. If this is your first time, please click the link saying "First" to read the first chapter. For those of you that are checking for updates, click "Latest" to see whether there's anything new, or leave an angry message demanding the author updates- because she's a lazy ass.

Or if you want, look at our (not so) private files, or read the rooming arrangements. Whatever. Either way, I hope you enjoy the story of our lives!

- Gina Chen and Hiromi Takahashi,
Springfield International, class of 2009

----------------------

YEAR 11 ROOMING ARRANGEMENTS, CLASS OF 2009

2007-07-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

YEAR 11 ROOMING ARRANGEMENTS, CLASS OF 2009.

Heads of boarding
Ms. Lana Law, School Psychologist
Dr. Kayne Hartland, School Doctor

APARTMENT A
Callum Snow and Raymond Chang
Reno Kunchai and Tidus bin Muhammad Springfield
Gina Chen and Hiromi Takahashi
Serene Grayden and Amaya Leong
Christine Oake and Natalia Wang

APARTMENT B

Garrett Chen and Rocky van der Haut
Shu Choong and Duquesne Wellesley
Reiko Nakadoi and Adalie Kingsley
April Sorenson and Hillary Clintoff
Irene Daniels and Soraya Samsuddin

APARTMENT C

Angel Ankh and Ashton Pang
Thomas Tan and Raphael Withertrope XVIII
Meng Zhi and Ivan Harker
Tamara binti Ahmad and Sharon Wong
Katherine Hemlock and Ziora Hayden

APARTMENT D

Zacharias Vanblaine and Edward Brooklyn
Louis Napoleon and Lancelot Nguyen
Isadora Perks and Paige Ong
Yoon Na Kim and Brittany Samson
Emmalina Joseph-Langley and Larissa Chandra

APARTMENT E

Shu Ren and Ravi Saravanan
Xu Tian and Shinji Takada
Darren Oake and Camelot Tantono
Alexis Brooklyn and Pam Sakarin
Cheryl Lin and Caitlin Randell

Chapter 1

2007-05-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

Lesson One:

Never Entrust a Walnut with Your Brains.

"Word has reached my ears, children, that certain factions of this class are not behaving the way young men and ladies of your... calibre should be!"

There was a brief silence as Lana Law cleared her throat, making sure to toss her newly dyed platinum blonde tresses towards the unfortunate students in the first row. Head of Boarding, School Psychologist, Personal Counsellor, Emo Hunter, Self-Proclaimed Springfield High Ambassador to the United Nations and High Commissioner to the Land of Pink and Annoyance, Ms. Law had always been one to make sure she lives up to her fame...

Or infamy.

As she continued clearing her throat, my friend Reno sent me a sideways glance and whispered,

"Are those sacks in the front of the room actually hiding kinky cosplay outfits?"

For a second, the rather disturbing thought of Lana Law in a bunny suit crossed my mind, complete with fishnet tights, bow tie, and oversized pink glasses... I cringed. In an attempt to shake the mental image out of my head, I took a quick glance at the brown bags. They seemed as normal as they could be, or as normal as anything could be while you were watching a 40-year-old woman act like she had a bad case of the bird flu. I raised an eyebrow, and replied,

"While they're at it, someone in a maid costume should wash your mind out with soap and water. No. I have no idea what-"

"You'll-"

"Mr. Chen! Mr. Kunchai! Stop seeking attention, and please pay attention to me for the briefest of seconds! I utterly refuse to tolerate this sort of attention-seeking behaviour from students of your age! Now, children." Discounting the fact that demanding we listen to her was not "seeking attention" while talking to each other quietly was, Lana Law continued to babble on about "spreading love" and "mutual understanding between schools".

I saw my other friend Shinji Takada give her the third finger. Universal sign language for Please Get Hit By A Bus. Now that was a good example of mutual understanding. However, the blonde woman didn't notice his commendable behaviour, and was instead passionately persuading a rather bored Reno to find other outlets for his supposed misery, before striding to the other side of the room to gush about love for self and love for others. Turning to Reno, I replied,

"So was that a figment of your imagination, or are there really-"

"Mr. Chen! Please, allow me to express myself like you should be doing outside of class! Students, word has travelled far and reached my ears that some of you have not been behaving the way you should! I heard word of... pranks!" She gasped, and took a step back or two. Lifting her hand to her forehead, she sighed. "Your behaviour has been... horrid! Stupefying! I feel... faint! Sick to my stomach..."

"Should we call an ambulance, miss?" My twin sister Gina muttered under her breath, a snide grin surfacing on her face as she twirled the orange ribbon she had taken out of her hair. Her best friend Cheryl smirked, and said just loudly enough for both Gina and I to hear,

"I believe that there is a rather prominent mental institution near our school that might be able to host unique cases like hers. Allow us to -"

"Yes, my children," Lana Law boomed, and Shinji added another stroke to his count of the number of times she had used that word, "There have been pranks! And rather rude ones at that! You!" Lana Law pointed to a boy and a girl sitting in the back row, both who were staring intently into each other’s eyes.

And by that, I mean they were having a staring contest. The girl, Serene, seemed to be winning as Zach was grinning like a maniac, but that smile seemed to be on his face perpetually so I wasn't sure if it was a reliable sign of defeat. Unfazed by Lana Law's words, they continued staring, ignoring her accusation of,

"Is it true that the two of you single-handedly orchestrated the destruction of your school building by causing the explosion of a chocolate fountain?"

The rest of the room burst out into laughter, except for the former denizens of St. Georgette's Private Institution themselves, who were pursing their lips at the fact that they were being forced to wear the uniforms of commoners while their school was being cleaned up- because, according to a rather rotund blonde that I had overheard while he was moving about sixty suitcases into our dormitory, white shirts, black bottoms, and red ties were "so three seasons ago".

"Miss Grayden! Mr. Vanblaine!" Lana Law said, shaking her head towards the sky and dandruff towards the front row. Serene and Zach, of course, were ignoring Lana Law and still staring at each other, a far cry from the remainder of the St. Georgette's students who were staring daggers at us. My eyes met those of the same rotund boy, who turned up his nose towards me. Meanwhile, the raven-haired girl next to him examined the collar of her commoner's shirt, before leaning over to whisper to the same rotund boy-

"Miss Grayden! Mr. Vanblaine!" Lana Law screamed again, but the rest of the class had started to ignore her as she prattled on to the brown-haired friends about respect and listening. Reno and Shinji had started up a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, but were drawing phallic symbols in place of noughts and crosses. From what I could make out, Reno had drawn a very large, black hole, and labelled it "Lana".

"Too much information, Reno..." I said, raising an eyebrow. "Or have you learned about it through experience? Because-"

"Garrett, what's your theory on the weirdoes? Theory on the weirdoes!" Gina interrupted, giving me a push on the shoulder.

"You know, it's not as though you're very normal yourself," I replied as Cheryl articulated in her crisp, clear voice,

"My theory about the St. Georgians, Garrett, that the reason for their bitterness is that they will never muster up the intelligence to comprehend the fact that the sheer amount of velvet used to coat their floors makes it near impossible to clean their school up within the next three years, which meant that they will have to attend our school until their graduation," she interjected, mumbling underneath her breath, her face still set in its usual thin-lipped smile. Gina piped up,

"No, it's because they're a bunch of spoiled brats that can't even make instant noodles without setting a kitchen on fire. And who can live without instant noodles? I like noodles. They're good. Hey, Cheryl, there are some really good Korean ones from..." I blocked Gina's voice out and tried to recall Lana Law's reasoning for the St. Georgette's students' erratic behaviour. What was it again?

Oh right. It was that they were insecure, seeking attention, and needed us to spread the love...

Which was clearly not working, as could be apparent by a loud yell from Serene's direction. I turned around and saw the girl jump up from the black lab stool, and punch her fist into the air,

"Zach! You blinked!" she yelled. "I've won! I've won! Yeah baby, you owe me dinner, you owe me-"

"Aww," the male said, scratching his head, "But I bought you dinner the last time when I won as a treat! Can't you-"

"Serena Lynn Grayden and Zacharias Vanblaine!" Lana Law yelled again, but the two of them had sprung up from their seats and started an animated debate about the merits of fried noodles over fried rice. The blonde teacher rolled her eyes, turning away from the dastardly duo.

"Sometimes, I wonder whether the two of you are a gone case... But that wasn't the point of gathering all the Year 11 students here. The point was- Mr. Brooklyn, Mr. Snow and Mr. Chang! Might the three of you be able to tell us a bit more about the sudden disappearance of the statue of their school mascot?"

I took a quick glance at the three of them. Edward Brooklyn and Raymond Chang were busy flying paper aeroplanes while Callum Snow was leaning back in his chair with a Chemistry book draped over his face. His friends had hung a sign around his neck saying "Kick Me I'm Sexy", written in Ray's illegible handwriting- Edward's idea, probably. He grinned,

"Nope, Ms. Law. Any ideas?"

Next to me, Gina scoffed, rolled her eyes and mouthed something along the lines of "Sausage McMuffin" to Cheryl, who wasn't even paying attention to her ex-boyfriend on account of her finding solace in staring at her French manicure. Ray's voice piped up in a fake English accent, possibly in mimicry of the snoring Callum's,

"I believe, children, that we have sent it off to Scotland to experience eating haggis and bungee jumping in skirts, haven't we?" the half-Canadian, half-Chinese boy said with a perfectly straight face, and this sent everyone, even the St. Georgette's students into peals of laughter.

Except Lana Law, who sighed as she declared pompously,

"Don't be silly, children!"

Meanwhile, Shinji and Reno were debating intently as to whether Ray's use of the word was worthy of adding another point to their total, while fencing using pencils instead of swords.

"Children, you should never, never, make fun of another school's mascot! Its emblem! Its symbol of honour and integrity! You are-" She did the sweeping fainting motion again, and gasped. "You simply should not! And that isn't the worst of what you have done- and that's not just Springfielders, I'm looking at all of you! There have been panties in the boys' rooms! String cheese in their shoes! Salt in the sugar bowls! Rotten tomatoes in the fridge!"

"Thus," she said, glancing at us with a look that might have seemed intense to a group of five-year-olds, "Thus, I would like to introduce..."

"Your babies!"

She paused again, and made a dramatic gesture to the sacks in front of us.

I blinked.

The clank of Reno and Shinji's pencils falling to the ground could be heard.

Reno's eyebrows twitched, his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. Shinji, on the other hand, was pointing to the sacks and making whimpering noises,

"B... But... This isn't some..."

"Yes, Mr. Takada. These, my children, will serve as your babies for the remainder of this term. I have randomly assigned each of you a partner, and yes, they have been... mostly boy-girl. You will serve as a couple and take care of your sack of flour, bring it to classes, take it for parenting lessons, everything!"

"I have broken up cliques. Taken children from St. Georgette's and Springfield, and made them work together. Paired children with children that they would never co-operate with, never, never!"

She paused for a while, and I wondered whether she was done. I was just about to tap my fingers together in mock applause when she added with a flourish of her pen,

"You will learn how... difficult! It is! To raise a child!"

"Miss," Edward piped up from the other side of the room. Lana Law whirled around.

"What is it, Mr. Brooklyn?"

"Miss, might I have a question?" he asked, a smirk growing on his face as he stood up with his arms folded. With his tanned skin and red-brown hair, Edward's athletic ability was only matched by his reputation for being, in Gina's words, a "man-slut", but that didn't deter most female eyes in the room from detracting to his body. Including Lana Law's, for a brief second, before she shook her head. Regaining her composure, she said,

"Yes, you may. Even though I believe that you, of all students, need a lesson in co-operation the most-"

"Miss," Edward interjected, and the edges of his mouth curled up a little.

"How would you know what it is like to raise a child seeing as you're a 40-year-old virgin yourself?"

Lana Law's horn-rimmed glasses fell, and her mouth widened into an O of shock and horror. She gasped a little, took a step back, and started teetering back and forth with her hand on her forehead. She stumbled onto a lab stool, lunged forward to take a glass of water, before gulping its contents down with half of them splashing onto her face.

"Mr. Brooklyn. We will simply have to discuss that comment of yours in detention tonight," she said in a soft, menacing tone as she took a few steps towards him. Snarling, she grabbed one of the sacks rather viciously, then threw it onto the lab table.

"Mr. Snow, Mr. Chang, I dare say that neither of you seem to have had any positive influence on your friend... I shall see the two of you in detention too, unless one of you can muster up the ability to get him to apologize. And Mr. Snow,"

Callum sat up in his blue office chair,

"Yes, Ms. Law?" he asked, smirking.

"Stop. Sleeping. In. My. Class!" Lana Law shrieked, stamping her foot on the ground and storming towards the front of the room. "I believe that I have demanded respect! Integrity! Love! And-"

"Err, okay, sure, good night," the blonde replied, giving Lana a small wave before slamming the Chemistry book on his face and sinking back in the chair. He let out a little snore, and I swear I could have seen smoke arise from Lana Law's ears as she snapped,

"Fine then! I shall assign all of you your partners! Mr. Chen, please come to the front of the room, and you'll be paired with Hiromi Takahashi..." Lana Law's voice trailed off in my mind as my eyes darted around the room and met my partner's...

Brown met brown.

A smile. A wink.

For a second, my heart lurched.

Something, somewhere, changed forever...

Well, not really. That would have been too much of a cliché. But as Hiromi stepped off her lab stool, bounced onto the one that Reno had recently vacated, and swivelled around with a laugh, I knew that I was going to have a very interesting term...

I just didn't know just how interesting it was going to be.

Trace Noir

2007-04-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

Name: Trace Noir, Teaching Assistant

Snide nicknames given to him by Ethie: "OMG HE'S YUMMY!"

Info: CLASSIFIED.

Lana Law

2007-04-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

Name: Ms. Lana Law, School Psychologist

Info: UNAVAILABLE.

Too scary. Sorry.

Pam Sakarin

2007-04-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

Name: Pam Sakarin

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "She's the bassist, she doesn't matter as much"

Info: Pam is probably the one that really manages End of the Line, which wouldn't be that hard a job on the surface since all they seem to do is play during school events and bum around during rehearsal time until the last fifteen minutes. However, Pam is somewhat militant: she wants them to be good, and oh boy, does she make it apparent. Incredibly driven, direct, and almost to the point of being mean, Pam can scare the rest of the band members from time to time, except for Garrett who just nods and says, "Yeah, whatever." She would actually be a pretty good manager, too, if she wasn't too busy doing one million and one other things, therefore allowing Reno to take over... Which is not good.

Randomness level: Low

Birthday: 4th May

Random fact: Cannot eat chilli, despite being Thai.

Shinji Takada

2007-04-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Name: Shinji Takada

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "Ruffie", "Britney eats Pears LOLOL"

Info: Shinji's a small guy with big dreams and a big heart. While he seems innocent and pleasant enough, he had enough madness in him to take on the role of lead singer of End of the Line... Which denotes that he bears the brunt of being the face of the band, also denoting that if Reno and Yoon Na decide together that they want to play something stupid, he's got to take all the crap. Of course, Reno twists things so that the fault lands on Garrett, but Shinji's pretty protective about it anyway. Makes you wonder. Pretty much the all-around-nice-guy, if Springfield really has one among all the twits they have in their school.

Randomness level: Medium-low

Birthday: 18th October

Random fact: Knows how to conduct Chinese tea ceremonies but not Japanese.

Zacharias Vanblaine

2007-04-29T18:17:00.000-07:00

Name: Zacharias Vanblaine

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "My other gigolo", "Mr. Snuggles"

Info: Zach is awesome.

Enough said.

Distinguishable by the colour BLUE.

Ashton Pang

2007-04-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

Name: Ashton Pang//彭明志

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "La La Boy"

Info: Like his perpetual roommate, Ash is a bit of an enigma, though the immense amount of hair dye he uses to dye his hair a different colour every day of the week seems to detract from that fact. Is a bit of a gaming nerd, and is known for having played 23 hours of Warcraft in a row during holidays. Likes cheese and the colour pink, because apparently, it is worn by real men. Also, apparently, is a bit of a man-whore. In reality, it's the image he gives off because he's a bit of a softy inside. Really.

Randomness level: Medium.

Birthday: 26th April

Random fact: Is probably the President of the Springfield Perverts' Society. This fact has yet to be confirmed by Gina Chen and Yoon Na Kim.

Distinguishable by the colour RED.

Reiko Nakadoi

2007-04-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

Name: Reiko Nakadoi

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "The other Ray", "Princess", "Hime-Hime!"

Info: While Rei does exhibit "princessy" behaviour from time to time, she can actually be very sweet and gentle if you do know her. However, she spends a lot of her time fussing over things that don't matter that much. It doesn't help her nicknames that she's waiting for her knight in shining armour to rescue her and send her to the nearest Starbucks so she can get her caffiene fix. Oddly enough, she wants to be a doctor, and is pretty damn smart herself. Is known for talking in her sleep and not being able to tolerate any noise at all when she is asleep. Trust me, people have tried.

Randomness level: Low

Birthday: 9th February

Random fact: Is a sucker for romance.

Natalia Wang

2007-04-29T17:50:00.000-07:00

Name: Natalia Wang

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "That New Kid"

Info: Natalia is a transfer student, because every high school story simply has to have one. Fitting the stereotype of the transfer student, she is shy and quiet, preferring not to talk unless she is talked to, and is terrified at the prospect of having to live with nine people she has never lived with before: two of which hate each others' guts, one who is always trying to earn a cheap buck, one that thinks she's everyone's mother, a hyper conglomeration of sugar and a girl that skips class to buy doughnuts, for heaven's sake. Unlike typical transfer students, she is not mysterious at all: mainly because there isn't much to know. Or so she'd like you to think...

Randomness level: Wouldn't you like to know?

Birthday: 20th April

Random fact: A schedule mix-up means that she isn't in Art yet. But once she is, she's going to give both Garrett and Angel a run for their money. Luckily, neither of them would be too bothered seeing as one's too strange and one's too unmotivated.

Hiromi Takahashi

2007-04-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

Name: Hiromi Takahashi

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "Alien Girl", "Ms. Bondage"

Info: Hiromi is oblivious. You could probably wave a shoe in front of her face, tell her it was an alien, and get her started on a chase around the world in search of aliens, time travelers, and espers, which, much to her chagrin, do not exist. While incredibly pretty, girly, and intelligent, has a taekwondo black belt (despite being Japanese, not Korean) and a bit of a Star Wars obsession that is enough to scare away potential boyfriends. Those that are not afraid are most likely insane, or absolutely lovestruck. Though she is sweet and kind-natured, she is easily bribed with doughnuts. Note that it is not difficult to take advantage of this fact.

Randomness level: "Ooh, shiny!"

Birthday: 31st May

Random fact: Is a David Archuleta fan. Gina is a David Cook fan. They are roommates.

Enough said.

Distinguishable by the colour YELLOW.

Callum Snow

2007-04-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

Name: Callum Daniel Snow

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "Big Mac" (Because if you transliterate his middle name into Chinese, you get "Big Cow"- I kid you not)

Info: The reason Callum can get away with being so "normal" without getting a lot of shit thrown at him by the creators is because of his deep rooted enmity with a certain Serena Lynn Grayden... Who reciprocates that loathing, and more. In short, do not get him started about Serene, or you will end up with a very scary Callum and you wanting to hide under a chair. Is one third of the McDonald's Breakfast Club along with Ray and Edward, and, as he likes to think, the "sane" and normal part. Deep down, he's as random as the two of them, and maybe even nice. He just would rather batter someone's brains out with a chainsaw than admit it to even himself.

Randomness level: Secretly high

Birthday: 7th February

Random fact: Wants to be a doctor. Reason? "I like cutting things up."

Cheryl Lin

2007-04-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

Name: Cheryl Lin//林亿慧

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "Bitch", "Shorty"

WARNING: Beware of her. She is scary and will eat you alive.

Info: At 5'0, Cheryl is short, but always wears 6-inch stiletto heels to counter this fact. As a result, she appears to be just slightly shorter than Gina until she gets mad, whips off her shoes and starts chasing you around the school grounds. Is very competitive and always strives to do well in everything she tries, to the point where even Gina finds it obnoxious. Works like a maniac. Shops like a maniac. Seems normal to most people except Gina who is her best friend, and is the only one that has seen Cheryl pretending to pole-dance to the tune of 'Touch My Body' or act like a bimbo to the tune of 'Glamorous'.

Randomness level: Low

Birthday: 10 July

Random fact: Has spilled kerosene on a small dog and set it on fire, albeit not on purpose. As a result she has a phobia of animals.

WARNING: SHE IS SCARY AND WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.

Yoon Na Kim

2007-04-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

Name: Kim Yoon Na

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "FF girl!"

Info: Plays the drums in End of the Line, a band consisting of Garrett, Reno, Shinji, Pam and her, though admittedly she and Pam do all the dirty work while everyone else sits around and strums their instruments from time to time while talking about why their school doesn't have enough hot chicks. Like Gina, she is a feminist. Unlike Gina, Yoon Na is militant and will not hesitate to bash a guy in the head if he does anything that undermines the power of her as a woman. Is also the singer of the infamous Tupperware song that is now sang as a Christmas carol in Tibet.

Randomness level: Medium

Birthday: 7th October

Random fact: Does not like being reminded that her name is something like an FF character because "Yuna dresses like a skank".

Katie Hemlock

2007-04-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

Name: Katherine Hemlock

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "The Klutz"

Info: Katie is the sweetest, cutest, happiest little thing you will ever see... Until something falls on her, she trips over something that just appears in her way, or Serene breaks something and it smashes into her. In short, she's adorable; just don't go near her with a ten-foot pole unless you want a disaster to happen. The area between her locker and Serene's is known as The Danger Zone, to the point where the school authorities have painted their lockers red and issued official warnings to other students not to go near them unless they are looking for disaster. It is important to note that Garrett's locker is the only one between hers and Serene's, and even more important to note that technically, she should be dead by now as a result of the numerous random objects that fall on her head, ranging from guitars to underpants. The mystery of her survival skills has been attributed by her as the result of a mixture of going to church regularly and learning how to survive eating Mrs. Snow's fish pies.

Randomness level: High

Birthday: 14th November

Random fact: Has very bad timing when it comes to crushing on people; is always two or three days too late after the person has given up on her. And don't mention Callum to her.

Serene Grayden

2007-04-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

Name: Serena Lynn Grayden

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "The Butter Knife God", "Lei Hou Ma", "Vampire Freak"

Info: Call her Serene, not Serena, or she will Butter Knife you into oblivion. What that actually means is a mystery to even the greatest of scholars. Is the daughter of a famous businessman and a famous supermodel, and is therefore acquainted with celebrities such as Brittany Pears and Parisa Hiltona. Breaks everything she sees, and is also a drama nut. Hates Gina with a burning passion for reasons unknown. Hangs out with Zach permanently, as she seems to like him and nobody else, and is highly suspected of being his girlfriend. She likes playing it up, especially as Zach is probably the densest- and hottest- person in the world, so they run around school pretending to be Romeo and Juliet. Of course, Zach is Juliet. Who else would he be? Also is a gigantically gigantic vampire freak, and runs around trying to suck peoples' blood while speaking in a fake Russian accent. Thinks she is Asian.

Randomness level: Just as high as Gina's.

Birthday: 23rd May

Random fact: Has pink vampire underpants with hearts on them.

Distinguishable by the colour VIOLET.

Edward Brooklyn

2007-04-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

Name: Edward Brooklyn

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "Man-Slut", "Man-Bitch", "Sausage McMuffin" (from Cheryl and Gina, because of his overactive... sausage)

Info: Was once the best-looking guy in their class but this title has been passed on since the arrival of Zach Vanblaine. Is still the biggest man-slut in their class. Hangs out with Callum Snow and Ray Chang, and they are collectively known to Cheryl and Gina as 'The McDonald's Breakfast Club'. Once cheated on his ex-girlfriend by sleeping with another girl, then cheated on that girl by sleeping with yet another girl, and then cheated on that... Plays basketball, and football, which he calls 'soccer' and therefore gets laughed at for. Is good at acting and doing accents to piss people off. Is very good at pissing Callum off. Is excellent at pissing Callum off with the help of Ray.

Randomness level: Pretty high

Birthday: 2 January

Random fact: Wears pink heart boxers.

Other info: Originally from Saratoga, California. Owns a pet hamster called Kenny that Ray, Cal, and he always try- and fail- to kill as a result of it being a zombie hamster that is actually an alien with regenerative powers. Also watches porn. (By that, we mean the hamster)

Alexis Brooklyn

2007-04-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

Name: Alexis Brooklyn

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "Butch"

Info: Most of the male population is highly disappointed that Alexis, or Lexy as she prefers to be called, is not a lesbian, despite the way she looks and dresses. Hates being called a lesbian, and "I HAVE A BOYFRIEND FOR GOD'S SAKE" is probably her catchphrase- though nobody really can remember his name, much less the creator herself, and therefore everyone calls her boyfriend "The KDU guy". Plays basketball. Likes cookies. And hamsters. Is the cousin of Edward Brooklyn. Likes bashing Edward.

Randomness level: Low

Birthday: 12 February

Random fact: Is scared of the dark.

Other info: IS NOT A LESBIAN.

Angel Ankh

2007-04-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

Name: Angel Ankh//王凯

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "The Fruit Guy", "My Gigolo", "Polar Bear"

Info: Nobody really knows anything about where he's from, who he is, or anything at all... Except that he's always in the same room with Ashton Pang, through forces that nobody can explain. Is supposedly very good at art but all he really does is throw fruit at the canvas, hope it looks good, then make up some bullshit about how it's "the reflection of the inner horrors of the human soul". Once sold a painting to Parisa Hiltona. Has a bit of an anger management problem. Plays basketball.

His name has absolutely nothing to do with the story's title.

Randomness level: Pretty high

Birthday: Unknown

Random fact: Was voted "Best Evil Laugh" in the school yearbook.

Other info: Is an albino. Wears brown contacts but has given up on dyeing his hair. Is constantly chased by Devil May Cry fangirls for that reason... Including Serene.

Distinguishable by the colour RED.

Amaya Leong

2007-04-29T00:45:00.000-07:00

Name: Amaya Leong//梁家颖

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "The boring philosophical one", "Donkey!", "MARIAAAA."

Info: Quite possibly the only normal female in the whole year, until you get her started on three topics: Food, donkeys or philosophy. Then, she goes off on ridiculous tangents that nobody can understand except for Gina. Is possibly the only reason she likes Gina despite her blatant stupidity and lack of common sense. Founder of the FOIE GRAS Party, which stands for something political that nobody really knows, much less herself or the creator. Owns large stacks of philosophical books on smart topics that nobody can really dig through, not even Gina. The best thing to do when she gets started on a tangent is to make a really random statement and have her say "Riiiiiight," then forget what she was talking about in the first place. Is a good cook. Cooks for everyone.

Randomness level: Very low

Birthday: 7th September

Random fact: Is also known as "Prudence" to the common, and uncommon masses. Will have children that wear swimsuits even in the showers. She has never denied this fact.

Reno Kunchai

2007-04-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

Name: Reno Kunchai

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "Garrett's best friend", "Some best friend he is", "The Thai one", "FF guy!"

Info: Likes the fact that his name is the same as a character from Final Fantasy, unlike a certain ex-girlfriend of his. Plays keyboards or second guitar in the band, and is their official manager and unofficial village idiot. Was the first person to talk to Garrett when he transferred in during Year 9, and did so by ending up next to Garrett in every class and talking to him incessantly until Garrett gave up and decided to become friends with him. Never fails to remind him of that fact and always uses it to guilt-trip Garrett. Likes Thai Tom Yam. Really likes stuffing Thai Tom Yam down peoples' throats, and screaming "YOU AREN'T ASIAN ENOUGH" if the person is not able to take it.

Randomness level: High

Birthday: 29th November

Random fact: Is a firm believer that even Garrett is random. Deep down... Very deep down.

Raymond Chang

2007-04-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

Name: Raymond Chang//张学扬

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: "Scrambled Eggs" (from Cheryl and Gina because he is yellow mixed with white)

Info: Has transferred in and out of the school... A LOT. Brings a video camera everywhere because he thinks that he's going to capture the next candid camera Youtube craze. Is money-obsessed. Likes stealing peoples' stuff to annoy them. Really likes stealing Callum's stuff to piss him off.

Really, really likes pissing Callum off in general.

Randomness level: High

Birthday: 9 March

Other info: Hates the school mascot (the Samurai Caterpillar) because he claims he is a ninja. Rumour is, though, that the reason he hates the mascot is because when he was in Year 4, the kid that now wears the mascot outfit stole his candy.

Gina Chen

2007-04-29T00:40:00.000-07:00

Name: Gina Chen//陈勇慧

Snide nicknames given to her by the creators: "The Queen of Awesomeness"

Contactable at: flinging-oranges@live.com.my

WARNING: IS VERY HYPER. DO NOT FEED SUGAR.

Info: Is the older twin sister of the main character and therefore has the licence to do as much shit to him as she wants to. Was the one taking the poll to see what people thought, and therefore rigged the results so that Garrett turned out to be more emo than he is actually perceived to be. Likes drama and writing fiction, and wants to be an author when she grows up... If she ever grows up, that is. Is a better writer than she thinks. Is one of the two characters that have the capability to break the elusive 'fourth wall' in Garrett's room, which she constantly does. Is very hyper, and likes running around singing random stuff. Is best friends with Cheryl. Is the only one that Cheryl acts like a nutcase with. Is also very close with Ash.

Randomness level: Off the charts

Birthday: 17 May

Random fact: Whatever she does to her body happens to Garrett- she's the sugar nut but he's the one who gets cavities, and whenever she's on her period guess who's the one that's PMS-ing? Wears glasses occasionally, showing that she and her brother DO have a few similarities.

WARNING: IS EXCEEDINGLY HYPER. DO NOT FEED SUGAR. I REPEAT, DO NOT FEED SUGAR.

Distinguishable by the colour ORANGE.

Garrett Chen

2007-04-29T00:37:00.000-07:00

Name: Garrett Chen//陈勇和

Snide nicknames given to him by the creators: Too many to list. Hey he's the main character, not my problem. But they include- "Emo Boy", "Guitar Hero Zero", "The Green Freak", "Gary", "Bondage" (reasons will come later)

Contactable at: youjustfailed@live.com.my

WARNING: DIABETIC. DO NOT FEED SUGAR.

Info: In a poll taken, it was said that 50% of their class thought he was emo, and the other 50% had no idea who he was. Is the main character and therefore the one that gets the most shit from the creators, and is also a relatively normal person surrounded by nutters. Plays the guitar, piano, and violin. Secretly has dreams of becoming the next Axl Rose. Knows it will never happen on account of the fact that he's too Asian, too scrawny, too quiet, too clean, and does not do drugs or smoke pot, therefore cancelling out all factors required to be a rock star except the talent. Is also an accomplished artist but never gets the grades he wants in Art because Angel is always doing better- this is taking note that there are only two students in his art class. Is exceedingly snide and sarcastic. Says "screw you" and "I'm running a circus" way too much. Is actually not emo at all.

Randomness level: Most normal.

Birthday: 17 May

Random fact: Would actually be Callum's best friend... If either of them had EVER bothered to talk to each other. Instead, he spends all his time with Reno and Shinji in the music room, playing their instruments and talking about music, music, music, girls, and music.
Other info: Is almost blind without glasses.

WARNING: IS DIABETIC. DO NOT FEED SUGAR. I REPEAT, DO NOT FEED SUGAR.

Distinguishable by the colour GREEN.

Frequently Asked Questions

2007-04-29T00:31:00.000-07:00

(well, not that frequent, but whatever)

Q: What is this crap?
A: YOU DO NOT CALL OUR STORY CRAP I'M IN IT MUAHAHAHA- Ahemmm. It's a webnovel about high school life. I can't really say much more without giving it away.
But no, there are no aliens, time travelers, or espers.

Q: When does it get updated?
A: Any time the lazy-ass author feels like updating. Nah, kidding! Updates will be at least once a month, if not more. I'll be posting updates on the News Page so if you want you can follow the blog and check it out. Okay?

Q: OMG AM I-
A: Chances are, if you think one of us was based off you, we aren't. Ethie has said that some of the characters are based on real people, and she's told those people who they are. So nope, sorry! Though I can see why you'd want to be me. Muahahaha.

More questions to come as they're asked. For the moment, READ! COMMENT! ~~SPAM~~

Links to character profiles (Spoiler-free)

2007-04-29T00:25:00.000-07:00

Colours denote the colour the character will use to speak on the website.

Garrett Chen

Gina Chen

Hiromi Takahashi

Angel Ankh

Ashton Pang

Serene Grayden

Zacharias Vanblaine

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Raymond Chang

Reno Kunchai

Callum Snow

Amaya Leong

Natalia Wang

Katie Hemlock

Edward Brooklyn

Cheryl Lin

Shinji Takada

Pam Sakarin

Yoon Na Kim

Alexis Brooklyn

Reiko Nakadoi

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Lana Law